He was uncomfortable asking me if it was okay to ask me about the cancer. I said sure you can. I don't get very emotional about it anymore. It's probably because I write about how I'm doing in my journal everyday and discuss it with Joseph when we check in with each other as to how we are doing physically and emotionally. Now I have this blog that I get to chronicle my story. So I talk or write about it with regularity.
It's only lately - since my visit with my oncologist - that the idea that this is really happening is coming into focus for me. It means I'll be getting more and more people interested in being around me and seeing what they can do for me.
There is no protocol or guide book for this kind of thing. Everybody who goes through this is different. I like my alone time, and being the center of attention, small talk, or reminiscing is not something I'm good at. It feels like an obligation for me to go out and accept invitations to "be" with people. However I do understand that I need to talk about it and that people need to talk to me about it and I'm okay with that.
And of course some people are much better at talking about weighty things then others. They are good listeners: able to intuit what makes someone comfortable and what doesn't, how long to stay or linger on a topic, to understand that because I don't accept invitations it doesn't mean that I don't feel close to them or love them.
It's another part of the path.
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