11.5.15 What's Next

I noticed again this morning how mottled my skin was from the waist down. My capillary refill time was delayed. I don't have swelling in my legs but they look so dark and unhealthy.

I can't live without pain medication anymore. It used to be an occasional 400mg of Motrin but now it's straight up 800mg 3 times a day with several oxycodones thrown in to cut the pain breaking through and then morphine at night.

It leads me to ask the question what will happen next and when. Prostate cancer metastasizes to bone (already have that), liver, lung, and brain. My decision still stands to not do chemo or radiation and let things progress naturally and to treat symptoms aggressively. So I imagine that when something else shows up my time will be sharply reduced. Weeks. Months at the most.

I can do this.