For the longest time I had difficulty connecting to the cancer. I got to go to the gym. I participated vigorously in yoga. I could ski and ride my bike. All as if nothing had happened. Not even a blip on the radar to let me know I had cancer.
There were changes related to the medication or more specifically the dwindling away of testosterone. Most of the time, short of a monthly reminder - visiting my oncologist - I questioned if they had the right person. How could I be this healthy and vigorous with a terminal diagnosis.
I dreaded the monthly PSA test. It was like a test score. A test I had to pass. At first I would be anxious at least a week before the blood draw. Unable to sleep. Poor appetite. Difficulty paying attention. Most of the time there was celebration or sense of reprieve. Yes. I'm going to make it at least another 6 months.
When I started Xtandia (androgen blocker) I knew it was the last step for me. Making the decision to forego radiation and chemotherapy left me with this one last medicine to try. With my oncologist's and husband's agreement, we decided a few months ago to stop doing the monthly PSA test. No need to mentally torture myself if there was nothing we were going to do differently with the results. It was a good move.
The disease will progress onward but there is one less test I need to pass.
No comments:
Post a Comment