11.8.15 Creating Room For Beauty

Joseph and I are spending some time grieving. Grieving has many different meanings and forms. It can be constructive or destructive but the core is a lose of something to which a bond or affection has formed.

I have to this point worked on grieving the loss of something physical. My inability to ride my bike, go to yoga, and now with the coming of winter skiing. All things that have brought me so much happiness and contentment throughout my life. I've remarked many times how there is no problem that a good climb on a bike or a walk on fresh snow up a mountain didn't take care of.

I can no longer do these things because of the pain and fatigue. Pain like a toothache that bores and is unrelenting. A pain that can't be shaken off and requires days to recover from. A pain requiring increasing doses of medication to keep at bay.

And now I, we, are grieving the loss of a life we could have had. Being together for many years. Watching the children and grandchildren grow up. Seeing their failures and successes. Both of us having fulfilling jobs where we contribute to our family and community. Learning to paint. Learning to balance life.

It's important for us to do this now so that when it gets down to crunch time we have completed for the most part being tossed around by emotions that seem overwhelming and beyond our ability to control. To leave the space huge and open for love and celebration of all things beautiful rather than the small and confined space of grief and sorrow.